Too much Bette Midler...

So… after finding Richard Madison up for auction on eBabe, I went into a bit of a frenzy. Needless to say, I woke up Yesterday with the worst headache and a trashed apartment that looked like I had just come back from a safari in Xenox or something. At some point in the night I made the mistake of trusting this ad, and bought four bottles of Svedka. Oh, gawd, just typing the name makes me sick to my stomach.

      After recovering from my night of drinking and watching old Bette Midler films, I started to buckle down and find some answers from this so-called eBabe site. Apparently, the site was owned by Tom Anderson, the founder of the once-popular website, Myspace. Even after hours of yelling at receptionists for information on Richard’s whereabouts, I was still without any leads.
As of now, I am on my couch eating a pint of Jared & Jerry’s,

e-mailing everyone I know to keep a look out for Richard. Even my friend Sandy said that she was handing out pictures to everyone on her safari in, you guessed it, Xenox. I did manage to heckle the last eBabe receptionist I spoke with into giving me an address to their nearest office. Tomorrow, once I get off this couch and get dressed, I'm going to go find out how Richard ended up as an eligible bachelor for eBabe. Hopefully I can sweet talk my way into finding the address to the winning bidder. Surely if he or she heard my story they would call off the purchase from eBabe and let me have Richard back in my life. But will Richard want to be back in my life is the burning question. I’ll be back with more updates soon.

A bizzare & twisted discovery...

As I woke up, I began my morning routine, which consists of the following:
Coffee
Electric-cig
Shower
Bagel with cream cheese
E-mail
  However, while going through the endless garbage that overflows my e-mail account(s), I came across an advertisement for a  website called eBabe, where they auction off immaculate men to the highest bidder. Since I didn't have work that day, I decided to see what exactly eBabe had to offer. As I looked at the eBabe finalists of the week, I immediately found myself in a coma-like trance. Was it?… No!... It couldn't be!...
  After I shook myself back into reality the truth began to set in. It was Richard Madison... being auctioned off on eBabe! I couldn't believe what I stumbled upon. What was Richard doing on a site like eBabe? Was he lonely? Did he think this was a smart idea? What was awful strange about this whole eBabe scandal was the fact that the picture Richard put up for the site was from when he was seventeen. Something didn’t quite add up right. Did Richard not have another decent picture of him since he was in high school? Or was this a hoax? Sadly I rushed to check my bank account, only finding a mere fifty dollars in it. How was I supposed to beat the current bid of $78,234.86 to have Richard back in my life?
 As of the moment, I'm currently attempting to find out who actually runs eBabe, along with some information they might have on Richard Madison and this startling portrayal of him on their site. I'll keep you all updated on my progress and please contact me if you have ANY information at all concerning Richard Madison and his whereabouts.

Kids are only getting worse...

       After only receiving harsh, nasty e-mails concerning information about Richard Madison, I started to lose hope in the search for my long lost friend. Maybe the people who wrote those nasty things were right. Maybe I was just a sicko, clinging onto old feelings. I decided I needed to get out of the house after realizing I had eaten nearly every Twinkie I received from a pie eating contest about a month ago, in which the grand prize was a lifetime supply of Twinkies. I drove out to my sister's house, where we both made lunch together and conversed. I wallowed on and on about Richard, face down on her kitchen counter like I had just been diagnosed with Blueosis. Before I knew it, my sister was slapping me across my face, telling me to get over this whole Richard debacle and move on. Succeeding my wake up call from my sister, the phone rang, giving my sister quite the wake up call as well.
    Without any explanation, my sister ordered me to drive her to her daughter's school, Palin Elementary. Along the way, the story slowly pilled out of my sister's twitching mouth. Apparently, Shelly, my niece, had been caught in the bathroom at lunch, salting the slug with couple of her friends. The choir teacher found them all huddled in one of the stalls, high out of their minds. When Shelly was asked by the principal why her and her friends did it, she said something under the lines of, "So what if we salt the slug? Ke$ha drinks and does drugs too! Just let me do what I want!"
    After I stopped laughing at Shelly's shout-out to Ke$ha, who recently was placed in rehab, I told my sister that although Shelly seemed like a bad apple, it was only a phase. After that statement I thought about my friendship with Richard. Was my love for Richard just a phase? Did he grow up and forget about me? Was I supposed to do the same?
     As we arrived at Palin Elementary, my sister told me that she'd probably be there for a while and that I should head back home. I still haven't heard back from her on what exactly came out of Shelly's teenage rebellion, but I'm sure life will go on for the both of them. As for me, I sleep another night alone, waiting for some sign that Richard's out there, possibly thinking of me.